More from the Hall of Lame

From the desk of Ned P. Rauch:

The nominees for next year's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction class include Kiss, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Genesis and LL Cool J. Now, the R&RHOF is kind of a silly thing to begin with: At its heart, R&R is anti-establishment (as long as you ignore the multi-national corporations that run the show), so the notion of institutionalizing it with a Hall and museum is weird. But it exists, and as long as it does, there might as well be a little logic as to who is in and who is out.

Let's start with LL Cool J. One of the first Hip-Hop stars, terrific talent, a handful of really good tunes, rad name, seems like a stand-up guy. But what does that have to do with Rock & Roll? Certainly, the HoF should recognize Hip-Hop as an important art form. And it's done so by including in its ranks the genre's originators—guys like Grand Master Flash. Run DMC got in, but I think that's largely because of their collaboration with Aerosmith on "Walk this Way." Not because Aerosmith did them any favors (Run DMC, it's been argued, resuscitated Aerosmith), but because combining Hip-Hop and Rock turned out to be a cool, inspired idea. But LL Cool J? Really? Does every rapper who had a few hits now need to be considered? It's interesting that no one's heard shit from LL for years. All of a sudden he gets a show on TV and a tap to the Hall. Guess he got a new agent.

Chili Peppers: Great band at times, wicked annoying at other times. Worthy? Borderline. One super-giant-successful album (and it was a good one, too). A few other really pretty good ones, some clunkers. Innovative at times. Lots of heroin, Flea. Maybe.

Genesis: I recognize that Peter Gabriel was in the band and that Peter Gabriel is, somehow, important. But Genesis was awful. Maybe not at the beginning, but how do you listen to say, "Abacab," without getting the shakes? And Phil Collins—probably a swell guy, but he is to music what small pox was to settlers.

Finally, Kiss: They left their mark. Let 'em in. But when you do, please point out on the plaque that they were really, really, really, really, really bad musicians. I recently saw footage from a late-70s concert of theirs and it was stunning to see how poorly they sang and played. Apparently they put on a good show (lots of people were clapping), but the whole thing was much more Broadway than Rock. Except the guys on Broadway have talent. Points squirting drops of their own blood into the ink used to make their comic books back in the day. Points for having comic books. Points for chest hair. Points against for painting the new guys' faces to look like Ace and Peter Chriss. Points against for Gene Simmons being Gene Simmons.

Also, if you let in Kiss, then you have to let in Rush. Those guys put on a good show, too, but they actually play their instruments with skill. Unlike the guys in Kiss, their creativity doesn't start with their makeup and end with their codpiece. In fact, for any of these performers to be nominated before Rush is weird. And I don't even like Rush.