Hucka-bird

From the desk of Ned P. Rauch:

Is there anything more dispiriting than watching Mike Huckabee and his band, Capitol Offense, castrate a Skynyrd song? Watch this and tell me these guys don’t clip the wings of the free bird flying inside all of us. Yes, “Free Bird” is a ridiculous song, but it deserves much better than this. Everything about these eight minutes makes me want to hurl. Is it Huck’s American flag guitar strap? (Oh, on the campaign trail, are you? Subtle, jackass.) Is it the suburban jeans? Is it the sunglasses on the “lead” guitar player? Is it the terrible-ness of the singer, or just his shorts?

Here’s the tricky thing about rock music, and classic rock in particular. Ninety percent of people look preposterous playing it (even a lot of the pros look silly; they play under colored lights for a reason). At the music’s core is at least a modicum of swagger, and really, most people don’t have a whole lot of swagger. Right? Absent that swagger, or at least a clear expression of some kind of emotion, of feeling, the whole thing falls apart. Whatever it is that turns a handful of ancient chords and a simple melody into a song, into a statement (and here I really don’t mean to blow any more hot air under “Free Bird’s” wings; the song really is ridiculous), disappears revealing it to be much less than the sum of its parts. And it looks awkward. Or, as they say in New Hampshire, where this capital offense went down, wicked awkward.

Here’s another thing: Rock tunes are supposed to evoke a kind of outlaw vibe. Somewhere among those notes should be at least a hint of danger or desperation or sex—something at stake. I know, I know, classic rock tunes, for the most part, are so widely accepted, such a part of the background din, that they’ve lost a lot of that, but still, at some point, even in “Free Bird,” it was there.
 
But when a preacher/governor in a button-down shirt who thinks gay people shouldn’t be allowed to marry each other busts out “Free Bird” on the stump, the song, and the act of playing rock music, loses its heart. And then, what’s the point of playing it? I mean, is anyone out there less of a free bird than a politician campaigning for the Republican nomination? Anyone? Fly high, Huck.

(Photo pinched from MSNBC, which credits John Gress, of Reuters, with the shot. So thanks, Mr. Gress.)